Saturday, 20 June 2015

Ten Habits of a Happy Couple

I came across this beautiful article from FamilyShare that listed ten habits happy couples have. Here are the habits according to Dr. Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist, writer, and an international speaker.

1) Go to bed at the same time. 
I think going to bed at the same time is already part of our bedtime routine. After putting Baby Charley to sleep, we have dinner and long kwentuhans, then it's usually bedtime for us, which is usually around 8pm. Rarely, I need to sleep earlier than him since he has something else to accomplish.

2) Cultivate same interests. 
This is kind of tricky since we don't exactly share the same interests - he likes basketball and inspirational videos while i like cats, reading, and writing. He's an extrovert while I am otherwise; however, one thing we both love is travelling, which is something we're passing on to Baby Charley.

3) Walk hand in hand or side by side
If our baggages are not stopping us from doing so, it's automatic for us to HHWW - hold hands while walking (minsan pa-sway sway pa). We've been together for more than a decade as a couple, but we never get embarrassed to walk hand in hand. Personally, it's my safety blanket when we're together.

4) Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
We're working on this one - I mean, I'm working on this one. I truly value trust, that's why I don't trust people right away, and I make sure I will never break their trust. Forgiveness has never been an issue, but it's a matter of forgetting and moving on from breaking the trust. That's why, we have completely forgiven ourselves from things that happened in the past, but we have yet to forget that .5. Actually, it has become a private joke already, and we get to laugh about it, but nope, not yet forgotten.

5) Focus more on what he/she does right rather than he/she does wrong
A speaker from a conference once shared that when you get 99/100 in a test, you will remember more that one item you got a mistake on rather than the 99 items you got correctly. I think, this is also true in any relationships. Sometimes, no matter how good your partner is for 300 consecutive days, once he/she commits a mistake, all those good deeds are forgotten.

Still, I'm working on this one, too. My roommate (my husband, btw) is not perfect, and there are times he forgets things he should have done. When that happens, (and after tons of apologies, sometimes), he'll patiently remind me that he has done more good than wrong, and that snaps me out of anger...because it's true.

6) Hug each other as soon as you get home from from work. 
This is very automatic to us already. No matter how busy we are at home from taking care of Charley or how exhausted we are from the traffic in EDSA, we make sure that once you're home, you're home. We give each other a tight hug, a quick peck on the cheek, and a "welcome home, boss" smile before we ask how each other's day are.

7) Say "I love you" and "have a great day" every morning.
My roommate lets me sleep longer during weekends, and I super love him for that. When we wake up, he's usually the one to greet me a good morning while I tell him what I dreamt of, or what I think about what we talked about last night. Yes, usually, it has a continuation in the morning.

This is us back in 2005! 
8) Say "good night" regardless of how you feel. 
They say, never go to sleep angry; settle what needs to be settled. We do follow this sometimes, but sometimes, it's better for us to just pause from an argument and just talk about it the following day. That way, we could discuss it like two mature adults we are. Of course, when I'm mad at him (he has never been mad at me, ever!), I would just go to bed and ignore him the whole night. He, on the hand, God bless his loving forgiving heart, would still make sure to kiss me goodnight even if I avoid him, even if it's really my fault, even if I've said things to him. It's a habit, and I love him for that.

9) Do a weather check during the day. 
Thanks to technology and unlimited call and text from Smart, we're able to check on each other while we're at work. It could be a simple, don't forget to eat lunch, bring umbrella, or I think my boss is mad at me again.  It feels like we're boyfriend-girlfriend again.

10) Be proud to be seen with him/her. 
I've always been proud of him, and he knows it. I love being around him, and my heart swells in pride when my friends talk fondly of him. I do hope that he feels the same way, too.

However, two habits that we think the article lacks are the following:
11) Be grateful. 
We are a grateful couple. We may not be rich, but we're happy with what we have - a healthy, loving family. We thank each other for every small thing one has done for the other - opening doors, setting the table, preparing what to wear. And because of that, we're happy to be with each other.

12) Pray together and for each other. 
Our wedding - 2013 
A beautiful habit we have is praying the rosary every night...sometimes, together when he doesn't have the night shift. We also lift our own personal intentions before we pray, and they vary, too. Sometimes, we pray that we could win the lottery, or that Cavs would lose, or there'll be class suspensions the following day, but our usual intentions are health and blessings.

We're not a perfect couple, but we sure are a loving one that could make Baby Charley proud of us.ΓΌ

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