Ten Habits of a Happy Couple

I came across this beautiful article from FamilyShare that listed ten habits happy couples have. Here are the habits according to Dr. Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist, writer, and an international speaker.

1) Go to bed at the same time. 
I think going to bed at the same time is already part of our bedtime routine. After putting Baby Charley to sleep, we have dinner and long kwentuhans, then it's usually bedtime for us, which is usually around 8pm. Rarely, I need to sleep earlier than him since he has something else to accomplish.

2) Cultivate same interests. 
This is kind of tricky since we don't exactly share the same interests - he likes basketball and inspirational videos while i like cats, reading, and writing. He's an extrovert while I am otherwise; however, one thing we both love is travelling, which is something we're passing on to Baby Charley.

3) Walk hand in hand or side by side
If our baggages are not stopping us from doing so, it's automatic for us to HHWW - hold hands while walking (minsan pa-sway sway pa). We've been together for more than a decade as a couple, but we never get embarrassed to walk hand in hand. Personally, it's my safety blanket when we're together.

4) Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
We're working on this one - I mean, I'm working on this one. I truly value trust, that's why I don't trust people right away, and I make sure I will never break their trust. Forgiveness has never been an issue, but it's a matter of forgetting and moving on from breaking the trust. That's why, we have completely forgiven ourselves from things that happened in the past, but we have yet to forget that .5. Actually, it has become a private joke already, and we get to laugh about it, but nope, not yet forgotten.

5) Focus more on what he/she does right rather than he/she does wrong
A speaker from a conference once shared that when you get 99/100 in a test, you will remember more that one item you got a mistake on rather than the 99 items you got correctly. I think, this is also true in any relationships. Sometimes, no matter how good your partner is for 300 consecutive days, once he/she commits a mistake, all those good deeds are forgotten.

Still, I'm working on this one, too. My roommate (my husband, btw) is not perfect, and there are times he forgets things he should have done. When that happens, (and after tons of apologies, sometimes), he'll patiently remind me that he has done more good than wrong, and that snaps me out of anger...because it's true.

6) Hug each other as soon as you get home from from work. 
This is very automatic to us already. No matter how busy we are at home from taking care of Charley or how exhausted we are from the traffic in EDSA, we make sure that once you're home, you're home. We give each other a tight hug, a quick peck on the cheek, and a "welcome home, boss" smile before we ask how each other's day are.

7) Say "I love you" and "have a great day" every morning.
My roommate lets me sleep longer during weekends, and I super love him for that. When we wake up, he's usually the one to greet me a good morning while I tell him what I dreamt of, or what I think about what we talked about last night. Yes, usually, it has a continuation in the morning.

This is us back in 2005! 

8) Say "good night" regardless of how you feel. 
They say, never go to sleep angry; settle what needs to be settled. We do follow this sometimes, but sometimes, it's better for us to just pause from an argument and just talk about it the following day. That way, we could discuss it like two mature adults we are. Of course, when I'm mad at him (he has never been mad at me, ever!), I would just go to bed and ignore him the whole night. He, on the hand, God bless his loving forgiving heart, would still make sure to kiss me goodnight even if I avoid him, even if it's really my fault, even if I've said things to him. It's a habit, and I love him for that.

2011

9) Do a weather check during the day. 
Thanks to technology and unlimited call and text from Smart, we're able to check on each other while we're at work. It could be a simple, don't forget to eat lunch, bring umbrella, or I think my boss is mad at me again.  It feels like we're boyfriend-girlfriend again.

10) Be proud to be seen with him/her. 
I've always been proud of him, and he knows it. I love being around him, and my heart swells in pride when my friends talk fondly of him. I do hope that he feels the same way, too.

However, two habits that we think the article lacks are the following:
11) Be grateful. 
We are a grateful couple. We may not be rich, but we're happy with what we have - a healthy, loving family. We thank each other for every small thing one has done for the other - opening doors, setting the table, preparing what to wear. And because of that, we're happy to be with each other.

12) Pray together and for each other. 

Our wedding - 2013 

A beautiful habit we have is praying the rosary every night...sometimes, together when he doesn't have the night shift. We also lift our own personal intentions before we pray, and they vary, too. Sometimes, we pray that we could win the lottery, or that Cavs would lose, or there'll be class suspensions the following day, but our usual intentions are health and blessings.

We're not a perfect couple, but we sure are a loving one that could make Baby Charley proud of us.ü

Three Questions to Answer with your Spouse Now

Just recently, my roommate and I have come across this beautiful article from familyshare. It challenges couples to ask their spouses three questions and see what happens next in their marriage. It's like reflecting together as a couple since many couples don't have the time to pause from each other's busy lives to connect with each other.

However, answering these three questions has really made a difference, and I challenge other couples to also take the time and answer these as well...honestly...without anyone getting "pikon".



What in our marriage do we need to stop?
The answers here could be numerous - my excessive OCness in our home and his drinking with friends, but we realised, seriously we can live with those. But what really got to stop, and we completely agreed on this one, is bringing up the past. Sometimes kasi when it happens (I'm sort of guilty of this one), we tend to argue more.so instead of just trying to resolve what's happening in the present, it becomes another topic of argument. And we agreed, this has to stop since its not healthy anymore - its slowly killing our relationship.

More so because my roommate has the tendency to forget those things he doesn't want me to remember while I, on the other hand, remember everything.

It's a challenge, but yes, we should stop bringing up the past.

What in our marriage do we need to start? 
Since my issues before (ooops! not bringing up the past!) was discovering some things I was not suppose to discover, we now agree that we have to start telling the truth all the time...no matter how small, even if it hurts, even if the other would go WTF because of the other's irrational, thoughtless, spur of the moment decisions, we should always CHOOSE to tell the truth.

I told my roommate before that if he doesn't want me to find out something, make sure that the universe conspires with him - no matter what happens, he better make sure that I will never, ever, find out because if I do, even if it happens 50++ years ago, I would still get mad.

Which brings us to not bringing up the past and simply, just tell the truth. And we know, life will be much simpler.

What in our marriage do we need to continue? 
Here, the list goes endless. He likes that we continue to pray the rosary every night, that we find time to be together despite our busy schedules, and other teamhernandez traditions that we love. We also wish to continue loving each other despite our own limitations and weaknesses and putting God in the centre of our relationship and our family. I feel that we should also continue (and improve on) consulting each other before making decisions that will affect all of us. We're still perfecting this one, but I truly love how we understand when to laugh at a situation and when to truly sit down and be serious with it.


I can say that the good 15 minutes we took the time to answer these questions was very fruitful and fun, too, since we got to be talking about the things we didn't know how, or probably afraid, to talk about. We're happy that we have taken the challenge, and again, I wish to encourage other couples to do the same thing, too. Perhaps you would also discover more in your marriage and in your relationship with your spouse.ü